Duet with Elenna
Elenna
Feel the end
in my eyes
touch the death
in my hands
I wonder
is there
light? in my darkness
is the salvation?
in my hell?
I couldn’t see the end
I forgot my life
I lost my breath
I broke my heart
The death
in my eyes
I’m falling
down
the abyss.
The death ends absolutely.
Maybe
I will meet the
One
living in Heaven
My salvation
was denied
My grave…
Elenna again
The last drop of blood
is falling on the ground
My last breath
I will breath for you
My last hour
is coming
the scars you can see
on my arms
on my head
but
there is blood
in your veins
that’s why
I want to believe
that i will survive
my insane mind
mornfall
sipping from your mind
drops of my very own insanity,
you grew to become of the kind
i myself am
a heartbeat, a pulse of blood in veins,
maybe finally someone could understand,
my inner fears, all my intermittent pains,
as they flow
a small sip of unforgiving drink,
vanishing memories, a hair laying on ground
border of present and past, smoothness and wrink,
pushing me away.
a life of alternating pain and joy,
sharing it with everyone, still noone,
everything melting together in an alloy,
filling my mind.
Elenna
the sip you take
will be my breathe
of love-death-life-and-tears
maybe you understood my tears
I cried in dreamless night
the night i tried to change my mind
because of the end
because of the thoughts
of the sky
of the sun
because of my darkness…
mornfall
your breath is a whisper of a lullaby
in my ear, as i fall,
a reflection of tear, a silent cry
as i kissed the cold wall.
i caught a glimpse of the darkness inside
your scarred, tortured heart,
the soul, lost in desert, her limbs tied,
but fears the hope that sun will never depart.
And inside your your frozen mind, shocked, overcome,
i have found a lost, near unnoticeable trace of love…
…
mornfall
The reflections of stars,
Shining in your quivering wet eyes,
Staring at me in oblivion,
Unbelieving in my words.
They shineth on me,
In my endless naivety,
Tearing my heart,
Ripping my eyes out
of the cracked skull
resting on my helpless shoulders.
Looking for the salvation
in the glass of forgiveness,
standing in front of me,
I sip from it, to get
rid of my damned memories,
of my twisted thoughts.
I want to vomit all that is me,
to give up the insanity
to find the normality hidden
deep in my confused mind,
crying for own misery,
trying to redefine the eluding self.
The memories, dreams, everything,
all that i hold most precious to me,
betrayed me, and i want
to escape, but can’t,
it’s holding me back,
it bound my veins and my tears,
into an unforgettable bouquet,
served to the hidden emperor
of her impenetrable self…
Elenna
Is that how you see me?
In my darkness,
In my insane…
In my suicide?
mornfall
That, and more… i’m blind
in my absence of conventional sanity,
i adore… everything that you are…
i wish i could be you, sometimes.
and othertimes, i am glad i am myself
and you are yourself, so i lived
to have the priviledge of knowing you
and your complex, private world
and i grew to touch you,
and the more i knew,
the more i loveth…
you for your inside,
for the pain you lived,
for the soul that you are,
because i know noone else,
who could ever understand.
yes i love you, but
i will accept whatever you say.
since i know…
i am better off than you
and hurting you,
i would never be able
to bear, for the rest
of my distorted life…
i am lost in my own
world, without a guide,
without a shining star,
besides you…
Elenna
Maybe
We should have
a talk
we have to talk…
mornfall
i can not but agree
i cannot feel my eyelids
anymore
but i can still feel
the pain
is there something
that could make
me feel nothing
for the rest of this
lost eternity?
besides the
deadly sin…
See? i can barely scribble… but the feelings are all still alive… there is simply no escape… and nevertheless… i don’t want to escape at all… but once… once will… i will… i will find the rest, in the dark grave, six feet under the everpresent dirt… no light, no thought, no feeling will ever find its way there… never ever… but still i am looking forward…. to stay…. to lie besides you in the silent, eternal grave… to sip the eternity of darkness, the sweet persistence of nothingness… my world, my love, my everything… my definiton
mornfall, the morning after…
writing, when you have drunk more than you could handle is a learning experience… now, in the morning, as i read the scribblings from the night, i realize, who i really am… and i can understand those poets drinking absinthe a lot better now… alcohol breaks inhibitions… sure i was looking for forgetness… but i found an open gate to my twisted ego instead… and still in the morning, i think i can find this gate, led by the string of scribblings in this notebook, go there and find it open… it will probably close soon again… but now, it is the time to enjoy the unbarred way…
and i will feel my pain again
the pain is that we live for… it is what matters… what really matters
THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE… THIS IS HOW I WANT TO PERCIEVE THE WORLD… YES, NOW, IN ALL MY SOBRIETY AND GLORY, SUFFERING FROM EFFECTS OF TOO MUCH ALCOHOL AND TOO LITTLE SLEEP… I ENJOY IT… NOW, I CAN LOOK AT MYSELF WITHOUT VOMITING, I DON’T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED… I WOULD LIKE TO DIE, TOO… BUT THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR… AND SO, DEATH WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT… THERE IS TIME TO LIVE. AND THERE IS TIME TO DIE.
Elenna
NENÍ KONĚ, NA NĚMŽ BYS UJEL SÁM PŘED SEBOUT. GORKIJ (translation: There is no such horse, on which you would be able to escape yourself)
The sky
the sun
the falling snow
the deadly end.
The love?
Me in your hands…
Woke up in your arms
still sleeping
so fresh morning
freezing
couldn’t believe it…
the third night we spent together
where will it lead
where is the end
where is the beginning?
i’m lying like in the coffin
the darkness around me…
i will burn
dust to dust
will i become a star?
mornfall
i know not… but let’s find out…