Reflection
(2004-12-18)
I sit down for a while
Grab a pencil and contemplate…
I ask myself, what has become of me,
My feelings and mind,
Of my humanity?
I can hardly feel the withering warmth
Of once so passionate love,
I can barely penetrate the wall around my cynical self.
Why are you all so distant?
What has become of all of you?
But here, i observe — nothing has changed
In the world and people alike… It’s all the same.
Is it just me becoming harder and more misanthropic
With each wound i receive?
They still all hurt when it rains outside…
I lock in myself and recall.
Yes there are souls out there that still care for me
And i’m hurting them ever so much…
But what if…
What if they betray me?
In that fear i ever cringed
But with every loss and every blow,
The next hurt less…
And i don’t really care anymore,
I can’t feel anything.
Or is it me, lying to myself?
Is each hit felt ever so more?
And what to anticipate, will i break?
Or shall i endure till end of my days?
Or maybe…
Maybe the blissful days will return.
I know they exist. I can recall them.
Or was it a dream?
I’m not sure anymore…
But there is hope left.
I put the pencil aside,
Thinking to myself… the time has come,
For me to seek trust in my closest again,
Since i lost too much of the precious comfort…
For hope alone never accomplished a thing.